Suicide is Painless
by cneko2
Summary: A civilian doctor's view on the war, the gundams, and the soliders it's up to her to fix. Spoilers for ep. 19, No pairing


Hrmm...I wrote this a long time ago, back when I was still on my GW kick. I always kind of wondered how the civilians and doctors responded to the war. And thusly, was Dr. Hawkeye Edwards born.  
  
There's nothing like mixing M*A*S*H fanatasism with GW fanatasism. ^^;;;  
  
Anyways, As I am not a medical professional in any sense of the word and my only medical knowledge comes from watching far too much M*A*S*H and books, please don't be offended if I get something wrong. Heck, if I do, tell me and I'll fix it.  
  
Oh, yeah. The song. 'Suicide is Painless' is the opening theme to M*A*S*H (seeing a theme here?). It's doesn't belong to me. Neither does Gundam Wing. Or else there'd be far more yaoi fluffiness in the show. Even though this isn't yaoi...^^;;;   
  
Umm...so, enjoy and feed that shiny review button down at the bottom.  
  
********************  
  
Suicide is Painless  
  
I hate war.  
  
It's stupid and pointless, nothing is gained, people are just hurt and killed, leaving those like me to clean up the mess. I hate it, but there's nothing I can do other than grit my teeth, patch up this soldier and move on to the next one.  
  
And that's what I do.   
  
There was a battle a few days ago, I'm still changing stitches and setting fractured bones from it. Another of those damn gundams causing trouble. Quite a few soldiers were injured, but those new mobil dolls got him. And from the gossip going around, the pilot himself tried to self-destruct, but the switch was faulty. I almost feel sorry for him, I probably would have wanted to die too rather been captured. But then again, I never would have had the courage to pilot one of those suicide machines in the first place.  
  
Sighing, I pick up my equipment and head on to the next patient. I can't be thinking about such things right now. There were too many injured and it looks like I'll be pulling another twenty hour day in the ER. God, I hate this.   
  
Next soldier, I look over his chart, scanning the details, looking at even the tiniest of wounds. In a war situation, even the smallest wound can be your downfall. "Head wound....shit." I mutter. Then louder so the nurse beside me can hear "Has he shown any signs of delirium or concussion?" He shakes his head and I breathe a little easier. "Okay, just keep the bandage fresh and call me if anything goes wrong." The nurse nods and goes back to his work as I go back to mine.   
  
The whir of cool metal doors is heard above the organized chaos of the sick bay. Two uniformed soldiers walk in and stand to attention, as if they're waiting for something. I'm not really surprised, then again, I'm a civilian doctor on an OZ base in Baruji. Uniformed soldiers are a normal sight here.   
  
I finish checking the stitches and fractured ribs my last patient had when they approach. "Dr. Edwards?" "Yes, that's me." "Come with us. You're need for one of the prisoners." One grabs my arm, and I snatch it away, naturally. "I'm needed here. There still soldiers that I need to check on and some who's wounds I need to attend." The other looks at me calmly, green eyes just as rich and flat as the material of the uniform he wears. "We've arranged for one of the other doctors to take over your patients." He tells me in quiet voice that barters no arguments.   
  
"Fine." I gathered my things and stood, looking the tall soldier straight in the eyes. "Take me to him."  
  
*********  
  
Dr. Edwards was escorted down the bleak gray corridor and waited while the access to the prison ward was entered. She was shown to a small cell, a little light hung overhead and the cold metal interior made her feel a bit claustrophobic. She turned to the soldiers that had brought her. "I need more light. There's no way I can give him a proper examination and tend whatever injuries he has with as little light as this is." The soldier with impassive green eyes simply nodded and left. A few minutes passed, and the light in the room brightened.   
  
Turning to her patient, she saw him wince as the illumination increased and scurry back towards the corners of the small cell. She raised an eyebrow at the prisoner's appearance. She had heard of the captured gundam pilot, but hadn't actually seen him.   
  
He was a child, a boy that couldn't have been more than sixteen at the most. Long coppery brown hair was pulled behind his head into a thick braid, and he peered up at her through jagged bangs with wide violet eyes. His heart shaped face seemed too young to hold eyes that cynical and old.   
  
She smiled at him. "So, you're the big bad gundam pilot that's got OZ in such an uproar." Brown locks swayed as she shook her head a bit. "Well, come on. Get over here in the light so I can patch you up."   
  
Well, the boy obviously wasn't a complete fool, she decided as she watched him follow her order. He knew enough to take medical attention when it was offered. After he moved into the light, she began the task of examining and tending his wounds. Since the cell was too silent for her taste, she began to talk, the soothing tactic generally put both her mind and that of the patient's at easy. "Mmmph...they really did a job on you, didn't they?"  
  
She glanced up, the boy looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't dare. She went back to work, bandaging this, putting ointment on that, humming a few catches of 'Suicide is Painless' as she went. All in all, it was a thorough, yet tiresome job.   
  
She stood, wiping her forehead with the back of one hand. "Well, look's like I'm going to be seeing you again, young man. Some of those wounds of yours are gonna take a couple of days to heal and I want to check on them. And since I'll be doing that, I think it only fair that I introduce myself. I'm Dr. Hawkeye Edwards, and you are?"   
  
She didn't receive an answer, not that she was expecting to. But the boy had looked extremely uncomfortable the entire time she was bandaging him up. Many times she had glanced up to catch him with his mouth open, as if he were about to comment on something, but immediately shut it.  
  
Hawkeye smiled, gathered her things and left promising that she'd be back tomorrow to check on how he was doing.   
  
  
  
**************  
  
  
  
Over the next couple of days, Hawkeye continued to check on her young patient, always keeping up the one sided conversation. She could sense that he badly wanted to join in, but didn't dare. For fear that he'd probably slip and she'd report whatever he'd said to the commanding officer. Yesha, right.  
  
She did manage to get his name. It wasn't easy, but she did it. After finally getting sick of calling him 'you' or 'boy', Hawkeye had finally come clean.   
  
"If you don't tell me your name soon, I'm gonna pick out one for you." She stepped back a looked at him. "Hmmm...I don't know....you look kind of like a 'Hotlips' to me." She grinned. The boy had nearly choked, expressive violet eyes wide as coasters. He'd sputtered a few times and then said in a mild baritone "Solo."   
  
Hawkeye looked skeptical, there was no way that was his real name, but it was as good as any. "Solo, huh? Kind of a strange name for a kid." To which he replied, "Hawkeye, huh? Kinda strange name for a doctor." She had laughed and then explained that Hawkeye was just her nickname. "My real name is Marie. Have you ever heard of a old, old TV show called M*A*S*H?" He thought for minute and then nodded slowly. "Well, I love that show. My coworkers started calling me 'Hawkeye' after Hawkeye Pierce in the show. And it just kind of stuck."   
  
She entered his cell one day to find it empty, a quick interrogation of the guard told her that he'd been taken for questioning. "Shit..." she muttered in low voice, hurrying along to stoic halls towards the rooms used for questioning.   
  
"Sorry, was your pride hurt to be frightened so by a kid?" Hawkeye stopped at the sound of the voice. This was it! She stayed outside the door, looking in through the glass, and listening. The lieutenant questioning him spoke some more and then said something about a gundam. Solo looked alarmed, his face then suddenly scrunched up in pain as one of the soldiers holding him, clipped him across the back of the head.   
  
Rushing in, she grabbed the unconscious boy glaring up with hard brown eyes at the soldier who had hit him. "That. Was highly uncalled for." "He was becoming hostile, Doctor. What else was I suppose to do?" Hawkeye gritted her teeth and checked Solo over for any more injuries, and much to her rage, found them. "There was no reason to carry that far. Prisoner or no, I do not appreciate seeing my patients beaten before my eyes."   
  
The soldier looked down on her with a holier than thou attitude. "Do you now, Doctor? And why's that?" he sneered. "Because, you moron, I'm the one that has to fix the damage you did." The soldier sputtered. "Why you....I'll have you court martialed!" Hawkeye huffed and rolled her eyes. "Nice try, but if you didn't notice I'm a civilian doctor. I'm here taking care of your sorry butts of my own free will. Now if you'll excuse me." She gathered up Solo's slight body in her arms and headed for the door.   
  
She paused just before the door and then turned to look at the soldier. "Oh, and by the way, if you were trying to frighten or intimidate me, it didn't work. I don't worry about soldiers. You however...I would be frightened. After all, I don't worry about soldiers, but remember. You have to get sick sometime." She gave him wicked grin and then headed towards the prison ward.   
  
Solo woke as she was treating the wound on the back of his neck. "Wha...?" Hawkeye grinned. "Hey, there. Welcome back to hell, though if I were you I probably would have stayed were I was." He cracked a weak smile. Feeling happy with herself, she went back to treating his wound, humming 'Suicide is Painless'.   
  
"That song...you always sing it, what is it?" He bit back a yelp as disinfectant was pour on a cut. "Oh, remember how I told you I was a Mash fanatic? Well, it's the theme song to that. Although," she paused for a minute with a sad look. "I think I've been singing it more lately because the words remind me of everything." "What are the words?" "Hmm...Oh," She sang softly the words as Solo listened attentively.  
  
" The game of life is hard to play, and I'm gonna lose it anyway, the losing card I'll someday lay, so this is all I have to say. That suicide is painless, It brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please." She finished blushing and coughed embarrassed. "Well, now we know why I became a doctor and not a singer."   
  
Solo stared off into space, his violet eyes thoughtful. "You're right, though. The song does apply to our situation." Hawkeye sighed. "Can I ask you something? Why...why do you do it? I mean, why do you pilot a gundam?" Solo gave her a grin and laughed. "Y'know, I'm not even sure myself sometimes. I think part of it's cause I'm crazy, you'd have to be to pilot one of those things. And as for the other half...." He trailed off. "For the colonies. But not so specifically the colonies as for the fact that I don't want to see anymore innocent people be hurt in this endless waltz we've got going."   
  
Hawkeye was silent for a long moment. " I think...I think I understand. We're both fighting for basically the same thing, just in different ways. You're fighting on the actual battlefield of space, and my battlefield is the operating room." She smiled, trying to keep the tears from her eyes. "I've hated this war and the gundams for so long, but I never really understood what you were fighting for. But...I think I do now. And, I'm sorry I ever was against you." Solo gave her a cheeky grin. "S'okay."   
  
Footsteps echoed down the hallway, the occupants of the cell froze as they paused, and then continued. "I think I have to go now, but I'll come back later an finished treating those injuries." Solo nodded and she slowly made her way out of the small room.   
  
*****************  
  
I think I like her. Hawkeye's just the kind of person who's fun to be around, it's no wonder she's a doctor. She's the kind of person who reminds me why I'm fighting, or rather why I was fighting.   
  
I almost hate to see her come in here every day and patch me up when they're probably gonna kill right afterwards. Man, you really got yourself in it good this time, Maxwell. I'm an idiot.....  
  
I'm lying here in the dark, waiting for my execution and suddenly I start thinking of why I started fighting in the first place. Well, it's not like there's anything better to do. This place is so boring, I think if I actually could get my hands on a gun I'd shoot myself just to avoid dying of boredom. "Well, I did all I could." I say to myself.   
  
The door just opened and I can make out a dark figure, I wince a little as my eyes adjust to the light. "Heero?" I see that he's holding a gun. Well, I may get my wish sooner than I think. "I guess I'm destined to be killed by you." I hear myself say. "Well, go ahead. Shoot me now." I close my eyes and wait for that fatal bullet.  
  
Nothing happens. Opening my eyes I look at him, "Well, you're going to do it, right?" He stares back down the end of the gun, ice blue eyes just as cold as ever. "Only if you wish."  
  
Huh?  
  
***********************  
  
Alarms screeched, as troops rushed form one end of the base to another. A number of small bombs went off all over the complex, causing a great deal of damage and even more confusion.   
  
But Hawkeye knew exactly what was going on. She raced towards the prison ward, narrowly avoiding being trampled by soldiers rushing to and fro. She slipped by unnoticed, and rounded a corner.   
  
Only to have the business end of a gun shoved in her face.   
  
"Wah!" She went shock still, positive that her rich brown hair was now sprinkled with gray. "Heero, stop!! We can trust her, I think." Solo limped out from behind the boy, also holding a gun in his less injured hand. The other boy cast angry blue eyes on her, raising an eyebrow and cocking the gun. He looked at Solo and then back at Hawkeye, and slowly lowered the gun, just a bit. She breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
"Quick, you have to leave." She looked at the other boy. "I'm assuming you rigged those explosives, so that means you have a fairly good idea of the layout of this place. Let me warn you, they'll send troops after you, I know. The newest troops, the ones that captured you, Solo. They're so much faster because no one is piloting them. They're called 'Mobil Dolls' and are piloted by remote control. Be careful, both of you. There's another elevator down that way. Now go!" She pointed down the corridor and shooed them along. Solo paused and looked back for a second. She smiled. "Hey, Solo!! Remember, the verses may fit the situation, but the refrain lies. Dying hurts, and I'm sure we've both seen enough of it to know that that is a fact. Suicide is not painless."   
  
Solo smiled back at her. "Yeah, I know. And...thanks, Hawkeye." She watched as he turned around and raced into the distance to join the other boy.   
  
"What was that all about?" Heero asked, once they were safely on the elevator. "Oh, nothing much. Just two friends saying goodbye. And two opposite views meeting in the middle, to agree on suicide."   
  
Heero gave him a flat look. "What about it?"  
  
"Nothing much, just that it ain't painless." 


End file.
